At a Loss for Words

I’m at a loss. For solutions, for discoveries, for adventures, for activities, for questions, for socialising, and most importantly, for words. This city has turned me in every possible direction. There are emotions and states of being that I fluctuate between that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve generally had a fairly relaxing life before this. I did nothing more than visit large cities and even then they never felt that large. For the first time I’m overwhelmed by my destination. For me travel has been fairly easy whether it be languages, cultures, climates, or people whatever it was that I encountered I was able to handle those situations well. New York City is different though. It’s the immensity of it I think. That accompanied with its unrelenting diversity. The weather fluctuates, the people all scream for individuality, and there appears to be no unifying language. There are areas of the city filled almost exclusively with people of a certain origin varying from Chinatown to Little Italy to the Spanish Harlem. New York City has an identity crisis. It has no idea what it is or where it’s from but it stands tall and proud as that. They all huddle under the title New Yorkers without a clue how to define it. How can so many varying people all be considered the same thing when they have absolutely nothing in common? That’s the beauty of this city though. Just the mere coincidence of residence has unified these people in this unspoken bond that without would surely result in resentment. This is the only city I’ve encountered where members of the population that have lived here most their lives can’t even speak the language of the country. Many cities have those speaking other languages but you couldn’t last very long without learning the primary voice of the people. NYC is different. It has so many cultures and people and so much competition in the job market that any need anyone has ever had or will is being catered for somewhere. NYC proves that where there is a will there is a way. People survive here, they thrive here, they live and they die here. Everything is constantly happening all at once. It’s overwhelming, daunting and strangely inspiring. I’ve never experience a drive to achieve like I do here. It infects you. This air of survival and desires. It pushes you to be better, to save more, to dress nicer, and see more. The hustle and bustle breaks into your mind. The construction work that kept you awake at first now seems all to normal. The unreliable train that once infuriated you just nudges you to be resourceful. The kooks of the underground that once frightened you beyond rational thought know seem invisible or at most cause you to stand a few paces away. There are so many things that this city has taken from me but it was careful to always leave something else. My sense of freedom dissipated but in its place stands drive. My shame is gone and now I fill with pride. I feel small and large. I’m the tiniest most insignificant piece of this disgusting loud polluted machine that is the epitome of everything I despise, yet I’m also an individual surrounded by opportunities, events, likeminded people and endless endings. NYC is very good at tearing you down and taking everything from you so as to leave you a small shrivelled shell of your past self among other empty souls. However in doing so it forces you to re-evaluate. To analyse your situation and bend it to your will. I have never been so resourceful and confident in my abilities. My ability to withstand this city has just proven to myself my ability to adapt is one to be reckoned with. Nothing is beyond me. Given a reason I have no limits. NYC has given me more than I could have imagined. For that I’ll always be at a loss for words.

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